World Cup Special: Ball Bag Bass And Rancid Rappas
Sport and sound seem like they should go together, but don't and potentially can't.It only works by beer powered accident, like how the Boston Red Socks somehow adopted the greasy garage rock classic, "Dirty Water" by The Standells as an anthem. Dirty Water fucking rocks. And Shakira just sucks like a Black Hole of hair extensions and scat. The somewhat flaccid Afro Rock novelty track "Soul Makossa" started as a Senegalese terrace chant. But these are the exceptions to an iron law of uncool.If you have anything resembling a pulse, you'll know its a World Cup year.I have long lost most all interest in sport and see this in political terms many might find odd if not completely stupid.The great thing about football is that anyone can play. You just need a ball, some people, a bit of space and a little knowledge of the basic rules. Americans may talk of a World Series, but only football really is a world sport - whether called soccer and played by Eskimo children at school, or on some beachfront in Nicaragua or even in Watford.It is so simple, so perfect, it is a universal language. But it is hurting.Our brothers and sisters in Brazil will not bend over and let FIFA's corporate carnival go in dry without a fight. The Ughlympics consumed more of the UK's diminished wealth than CrossRail and left nothing but useless stadiums fit for little but pro canoeing or less yet everyone just cheered along retardedly. In Brazil the people RESIST. Why not play football on grounds that exist? Why spend precious money in a country with so many needs on a brief corporate party? They fight. The World Cup will show enough magic that even I will catch plenty of games, and not just the doomed England.Of course where magic abides evil is never far behind.American moneymen steal Manchester United with borrowed cash and bleed it like a bear in a Chinese "Medicine" bile factory.FIFA keeps the sport down and is effectively a criminal front organisation which cares less about the future of the Game than Crown Royal caned Ice Hockey fan in a sleepy suburb of Winnipeg.Who was raped with a "soccer ball" as a youth.While the far less rancid and more hungry National Basketball Association started love bombing China, with its billions of people, in the 70s and has not let up, FIFA's Swiss No Questions Asked Banking bunker will barely return a call from any up and coming country wanting to learn about this most sacred of sports.When I first came to the UK my new friends supported all sorts of sides from Sheffield Wednesday to Wolverhampton Wolves and it seemed vital. But the overreaction to the specific safety problems revealed by the shabby Hillsborough tragedy led to an overreaction where teams had to borrow hard to redo their stadiums, this set in motion the big money game that revolts me so much today. A team from a Steel town named after a day in the week will never win again at the top. American football, run by the NFL is fair. All money is shared. The weakest teams get the best young players. All teams have a shot, every time. Thats why it is so popular and makes so much money. A decent FIFA would be similar, and make the game more attractive for me. Not that I fucking matter, or do you.It will be interesting to see how the whole bent as a Xeroxed 9 Pound Note Qatar hosting the Cup thing plays out. I find big Premiership salaries to be best understood as a cash cancer, not business or sport but I can't find enough hate for the players to see them melt and die in the stupid sun and sand like dropped ice creams on a BBQ. It's just evil and crime against all humanity.And evil is too lite a term to describe those that would take advantage of the real Olympic games, where everyone sort of has a shot on the same pitch in a way totally alien to the EPL, to sling out scat sounds and stick a greedy hand in the pocket of the punters.Irony hipstas at the Vinyl Factory have had a black wax mass of the worst footie singles of all time. I think they might have been too scared, rightly, to feel our present.My first encounter with a World Cup cash in track was on a CD comp of New Order. At the end was World In Motion.A friend wisely opined that it was the best World Cup song of all time, but she also conceded this was not much of a competition. Embarrassing rapping and crap samples from the glory of '66 profaned the best and last attempt for England to win. In fact the 1990 tragedy when in sports economics terms England should have gone farther, led to a big FA inquiry into why the failure happened.A concentration of cash at the top of the league and poor training that focused on physical power and winning, not skills, and a local commercial schedule that knacked the national team every time before they had a chance to think of the national side were to blame. Simple. Clear. Love the Game and act, right?The FA put another prawn cocktail and a piss weak pint of lager down its top hatch and carried on a dumb path to suicide. The cleverer Germans just copied the inquiry's findings and used it as the basis for the modern Bundesliga.I knew it all blew harder than a wind tunnel filled with pig piss and broken glass.Encounters with Keith Allen had transformed New Order from the electro wave inheritor of the Joy Divison flame into the Loaded Lad Cartoon we smell today. I shuddered and shut out World Cup noise from my miserable life. Until the shrill plastic shriek of Shakira shoved stool down my soul in 2008. This digital ethnic slur stole an old Cameroonian single's melody, hoping no-one would notice and deployed this rich girl long on time, short on talent and mammary glands doing her very basic vocalisations.This time its worse, yet more honest.Activia - a yoghurt that is about but cannot say it is about having slightly more solid turds, has signed up this vapid kleptocratic fucking foghorn to create a whole "campaign" around the aging strumpet and the need to have satisfying bowel movements without being straight about it. The idea is that the bugs in this yoghurt may make those in your shite pipe a little more happy, therefore good. Even better to hear this rich girl trill about it all.So the latest and hopefully last World Cup "song" is about SHIT. Shit. That stuff that stinks and gets flushed.Having a good DUMP thanks to a consumer product endorsed by a criminally beige rich chick benefiting from a kind light and a fair wind. As in flatulence. See where the fairy lights go in the video? It's about laying cable and punishing the FUCKING BOG. And is endorsed by FIFA. See all that painting lipstick on the belly? It's not about football its about defectation.Thus FIFA thinks the World Cup is SHIT. FIFA is shitting on the game and the planet.Oh, sorry, there is some thing where purchase of turd helping maybe products will feed needy brown folk. Through some UN sorry we let hundreds of thousands of Rwandans be slaughtered because to stop it would have meant use of ammunition forget it lets give them grub whatever thing. Let them die. But if they are cute, why not dump subsidised rich world grain and bankrupt local farmers. Aided by someone with Small and Humble Breasts but a real chunky ASSQUAKE.And this video is a Director's dream with reference to Japanese Kodo drummers and more than no-one will see.I see and hear this and want to choke in a barbiturate overdose vomit, right now. She's not even pretty. There is nothing here. Just an appeal to make your SHIT a bit less loose.Look Rat lovers, I love you back. I felt this for you.And Shakira erased my soul.Watch the sport and hold your nose. Just don't fight all the guilt. If you love football, and even just us Great Apes this is wrong wrong wrong wrong.