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Krafty Kristmas Killers

Computer caper

It used to be dead easy to get tickets for things. As long as you weren't totally sleeping on it you could ring up or queue at the venue for a decent shot at getting a chance to see your favourite artistes. That was then, this is now.The music industry and venues themselves have cottoned on to a new model � full album shows, teased well in advance with plenty of Once in a Lifetime Don't miss it ballyhoo. Fans media get in a foaming frenzy like puppies outside a butcher shop. But all too often, something breaks and not just the bank accounts of the dad rockers and keen new gen fans suckered along into the game.You can't have to failed to smell the sad betrayal of Deep love in the crass cash in crashing of the Tate Modern website under weight of fans keen to see the remains of Kraftwerk perform the greats again in a unique space. Seeing them emerge from the Kling Klang bunker in 2004 remains one of my most cherished concert memories. Yes they stood in front of laptops and put out reprocessed versions of the classics amongst some new cycling related bits. I was enraptured. Sadly, nothing of note has emerged from them since then.Much in the old tradition of variety theatre and many a seasoned act, they pop out from time to time to do the same thing, with a few tweaks, collect applause, cash and a few new fans before returning to retirement. Then it begins again. Yes, I am insanely jealous of those with a ticket. But much like the lottery, I knew I'd never win so refused to play the game.In 2002 there was no excuse for a web site taking payments to "crash" due to too much demand. You can set these things up so that in peak times computer capacity is brought in just in time to help � that's how big corporates from Amazon to Microsoft to Tesco cope with big spikes in people using their stuff. These days its pennies to set it up so the punters don't get let down by tech guffery. The Tate Modern, Kraftwerk, and all involved simply did not care enough to do it right. The pin money needed to give everyone a fair shot at the magic is worth a fraction of the damage to decades of love this farce has done. And what about the old modernist dedication to making great art accessible? Why not put a few tickets on the door a day and get the keen to box with vicious old robots for a chance to snag one? Sometimes you have to be there to get the best of things.And that's just what we're offering you in our new in this Saturday. It's the end of the year, and the Ratlords have clearly been inhaling far too much mulled wine and fermented eggnogs to be sensible. I received a garbled, anonymous report from a passing punter who may have been eaten alive by vinyl mad rodents:"STOCK NEWS, OVERHEARD FROM THE STAFF'S PHONE CONVERSATION TODAY : BIG, HUGE, HUMONGOUS VINYL EXTRAVAGANZA THIS SATURDAY!! MISS IT AND SPEND CHRISTMAS DAY REGRETTING IT... THIS ONE WILL MAKE IT INTO THE RAT RECORD LEGEND!! THEY WANT TO BEAT AN OLD YEARLY RECORD AND THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING! THESE MEN ARE DANGEROUS I THINK THEY SAW ME...(click)"When I confronted the Funky Frenchman about all this first he denied it, then spat out a few clues...Loads of LPs and 12"s from yet another smashing collection of old school hip hop, top of the range indie and crossover electronic, jazz and soul, classic rock and of course loads of reggae too.Be there or be square with a load of coal in your stocking from the music lover in you.

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