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Our Vinyl Record
Cleaning Machine

Just how clean are your Vinyl Albums? Your Records are Dirty. We clean Vinyl Records. They sound better. They look better. Forget prayer. This makes us better people.
The cost? A mere £5 per LP/12” or £3 per 7” single.

Please get in touch before you bring your records in.

Here at the Rat Records shop we take vintage vinyl records seriously, so seriously that we now have a record cleaning machine that cost more than my car. In our secret underground laboratory we are now the proud mahouts of the mighty beast, the behemoth, the Loricraft PRC Mark 4 Vinyl Record Cleaning Machine.

This is not some old record deck with a hoover gaffa taped onto it in a wonky chipboard box. This is just about the most expensive and effective vinyl record cleaner you can buy. Bring your records to be cleaned and this is what you can expect...

(Barry White's ‘I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More Baby’ is playing softly in the background)

Enter Professor Giron. Stage lights fade apart from a tight spotlight on Giron and Lori.

...after generously lubricating your lovely vinyl in immensely posh `L'Art du Son' record cleaning fluid, Professor Giron (I don't generally pay him for this part of his job) caresses `Lori's' pert switches and then lovingly manipulates her slender brass arm to gently remove years of accumulated crud from the playing surface of your beloved 7 or 12 inches, fully enjoying Lori's medical grade vacuum pump, before tenderly caressing the said treasured piece of vinyl into a slinky Nagaoka anti-static inner sleeve.

Giron now plays the superbly clean record. It's is a sonically perfect copy of `Je t'aime... moi non plus' by Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin.

The look on Giron's face makes it clear what will happen next.

Close curtains.

Prof. Giron and Dr. Snape offer their professional vinyl record cleaning service to you, the public. Each record will be thoroughly cleaned, as above, and returned to you in an a new Nagaoka anti-static sleeve. You will be amazed just how dynamic your vinyl will sound. No-one else is doing this in London that we know of.

This service costs £5 per LP/12" single and £3/7" single (no volume discounts). Does that seem like a lot? Isn't your record collection important to you then? The Loricraft PRC Mark 4 Vinyl Record Cleaning Machine cost me £1600. I care people. Treat yourself for a fraction of that.

Still so tight you're going to clean all your records yourself? True, you could just scrub all your favourite records, that you paid a fortune for and took years to find, with a brillo pad and some lighter fluid. Or a bit of spit on a T shirt. It's up to you.